The Lies

When I'm having a hard day, I want so desperately to believe the lies.Some people just have everything.Some people just get to skate through.Must be nice to have everything you want without a care in the world. I can so easily tell it's true from your perfect smiles that are framed perfectly in perfect lighting in that perfect square photo.It's so easy to believe those lies. I want to rest in the misery that I feel and I want to look at everyone else in the world and think that other people have it just so much better.In a twisted way - that somehow we all can relate to but writing it down makes it seem ridiculous - I want to try to make myself feel better by getting bitter and then throwing a mental pity party for myself.It feels ugly just writing it out.But isn't that just the opposite of what God wants for me?And isn't it just what the Enemy would want me to believe? That everyone else has it all together (except for the few who understand of course, and do I really want them to understand anyway?)?  That others' lives are just perfect, that they've never had to go through anything like this?That maybe God chose them to have a better life because He just loves them more or something?That I'm alone in this, and my life is just the worst?Lies. All.It doesn't take long in life before you realize that other peoples' lives are different than yours, that circumstances are different, and that life is just different. And the number of times I heard my grandmother say well, that's life; it's just not fair, or the number of times that I was told that you never know what's going on in someone else's life - even when they're smiling - and anyway, what they have is not for me to worry about... Oh, if it isn't the story of my life to be learning that "comparison is the thief of joy..."It just seems like when we're in our lowest moments we begin to notice others the most.We begin to rank ourselves - or at least I do - based on how others are doing.In the end, the reality is that it only makes me feel worse.  Because I'm looking around and I'm looking around and I'm trying to find my worth and value based on how I'm ranked among others in some random ranking scheme that doesn't even always make sense.  And it's just not the solution to that.  Others cannot fill my need.  I cannot fill my need.  I cannot pick myself up out of the pit.  I cannot calm the storms in my life.  I cannot fix the problems. I do not have that authority.  I do not sit on that throne.But Jesus does.Instead of worshipping myself, what I so desperately need is to worship Jesus.  The One True God who "created all things, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." [Colossians 1:15-17]What I need is to recognize that even though others have lives that are good and that are bad and that are a mix of good and bad, like mine, it doesn't even matter.  I can tell myself that life isn't fair (because it's true!) and I can tell myself that other people have been through hard things too (because it's true) and I can see that life goes through ups and downs (because it's true!).  But even those things aren't what matters most.  Resting my full hope in them will continue to leave me lacking.  My heart needs to focus on WHO matters most!  The One of whom it is written that "in Him the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of His cross." [Colossians 1:19-20]  I don't need to look around at others, what I need is to look to God!He experienced death. He lost his Son. He took it all, bore it all, saw it all, held it all together.  He sees me here in the depths of my dark place and He is able to reconcile all things. Because He made peace by the blood of His cross.And because of this, I, who was once "alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, He has now reconciled in His body of flesh by His death, in order to present [me] holy and blameless and above reproach before Him..." [Colossians 1:21-22]There is true victory.  And there is real pain.And they're embodied in Jesus.And He's the one who conquered it all.Celebrating Easter has never been more devastatingly heartbreaking and monumentally freeing for me.So.  That loneliness that I feel? God gets that. That grief I feel for losing my son? God gets that. In fact, the Bible says He GAVE His Son so that I might know Him! The pain, the suffering, the agony... what I know to be true in my life pales in comparison to what God experienced Himself.  And yet, because of Him, and because of His pain, there is hope for not only me, but for the world.  Because of His Son's death, my son's death is not in vain.  And my son gets to be in His presence because of His.  He looks at me with compassion.  He sees into my soul.  He carries the weight of my burden.  He conquered it all and gives true, real, abundant, eternal life.He reminds me that it's not about me, it's about Him.And He's such a better King to worship.Today I fight the lies that I'm not enough, and that others' lives are better.  I fight the lies that I'm alone.  I fight the lies that having it all together is the goal.Because I know the True God who says otherwise, and my eyes must be fixed upon Him.