Celebrating Answered Prayers
I love the part of God's character that says remember. I love how we can look back in Scripture and see moments where He tells His people, remember this. Remember who I Am. Remember who you are. Remember what I did. Remember.
And we - people - we never remember. We forget so quickly what God has done. We glaze past Him day after day - and maybe we remember to say a quick prayer at night, or to read a verse here or there. We come to Him to ask for things, and far too often fail to notice when He's answered. We forget who we are, we forget our identity, we forget who He is & what He's told us.
I love what God does as is recorded in the book of Joshua. He commissions Joshua, and tells him to take Israel across the Jordan River & that every place their soles touch will be their land [finally]! He tells Joshua that He will be with Him, and to be strong & courageous, and that He is with them wherever they go. So they go! And they cross the Jordan and God even makes the water rise up on either side so they are able to walk across, essentially on dry land.
And then once they pass, one man from each tribe of Israel - at the command of the Lord - places a stone in that place as a remembrance of what God did. And I love what God says:
And he said to the people of Israel, “When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever.”
Joshua 4:21-24
I love that. God had them set up stones so that when their children ask what they mean, they can tell them what God did so that all the peoples of the earth may know that God is mighty and that they might fear Him [aka regard Him with reverence and awe] forever.
Here I sit on March 8th and I remember back to one month ago. One month ago at this time I was in a hospital room. The room where my family was giving us dinner and laughing with us as I began feeling effects of medicine that would begin the {active} labor process. The room where I would talk to nurses and try to sleep and eventually take a short nap thanks to small doses of sleeping & pain medicine. The room where my son would be born just a few hours later - quicker than anyone expected - and where we would look on him with sheer awe & delight. The room where my son would live seven beautiful hours, where we'd get to bathe him & hold him & dress him & read to him & introduce him to our favorite people. The room where our family would be complete for a moment, and where my son would feel love. The room where my son would go meet Jesus, as he lay in my arms, and where we'd all say goodbye.
And for the following several hours and days and even now, I sat in awe of all that God did and all the ways He was so kind to us. And now, in these dark days, I find myself fighting to remember. Not remember him or remember our time. I find myself fighting to remember all that God did as He worked in Jacob's life.
God answered so many prayers in and through Jacob's life and He continues to. And when future children and our children's children ask about Jacob and his life, I want to remember. I want to tell them of all that God did and all that He answered so that they may tell the world that God is mighty and that they might gaze upon him in awe & reverence.
And maybe I want to remember all of these things right now & for those times where it just feels too dark and where the grief is swallowing me whole.So tonight, as my own "pile of stones," I want to share how God answered some of the prayers that we asked prayer for. There have to be dozens more. Seriously, I don't have all the texting conversations saved or the in person requests memorized. And I don't know the prayers of all who have rallied behind us. But I do have a list of prayer requests that I shared here & with some family & friends, and tonight I am encouraged. Because God answered so many of them.
So, this is primarily for me and it's very long, but I wanted to share with so many of you who have prayed with us as God has answered so many of your prayers. Join me, if you'd like, in celebrating tonight & praising God for what He did & is doing! In actually a pretty chronological order, here are 50 of the answered prayers...
God was near to us. The first thing I ever asked prayer for once we found out Jacob's diagnosis. God has been so near. When we have been faithless, He has been faithful. Praise Him.
God gave us peace - even in the first few minutes when Jacob was born and wasn't breathing yet. Such peace. At times, there was turmoil, and still is, but He always gave us peace that followed.
God gave us comfort. Through so many of you so many times. Thank you!
God has grown our love for each other, grown us in our marriage, and is continuing to help us learn how to care for each other well as we grieve!
We got to know Jacob as long as possible! 40 weeks + 5 days + 7 hours. What a gift! So many people thanked and celebrated his life... such a joyful thing to praise God for!
I carried Jacob past full-term!
John-Mark got to hold him. That was a moment I'll never forget.
Our family & friends have been comforted, challenged, and loved, and our relationships with each other have grown.
Bitterness has not taken root for too long!
We learned to celebrate while anticipating his death.
Others have heard of Jesus because of Jacob! I love this one. God has used Jacob to share the gospel with people who don't know. Beautiful.
God healed so many things!! His heart, some other issues that they were initially concerned about... and his head was beautiful - and covered in curly brown hair! He looked better than doctors anticipated. Praise God!
Jacob felt no pain and was so happy to be with his people who love him.
God sustained his life so much longer than we all thought!
God gave us so much time! I know I have already touched on this a little bit, and of course, I wish for more time, but God's timing was perfect. And we didn't have to continue to watch his body deteriorate as much as we had anticipated.
We got to meet Jacob!
We got to meet Jacob alive!
We got to watch Jacob breathe!!
Our families got to meet Jacob.
We felt the warmth of his life in our arms -- oh, that sweet sweet boy. He had the most beautiful little body. I'll share more about his life tomorrow on his one month birthday but I have to say, he and I, as close as we could be... it was powerful.
We grew in our marriage in learning to fight to depend on each other more & rely on each other - we're learning that now in a different wave of grief, but we definitely have grown in this!
Our relationships with God have transformed.
I was able to go to God more in prayer than I anticipated and I found myself resting in His grace more than I ever have - and in ways I never had fully understood. Praise Him!
We encountered so many beautiful people on this journey. Doctors & nurses & random people... they have blessed us more than we've blessed them. But I know that those people have often heard the gospel through Jacob. And I love it.
The legacy of Jacob... I wonder how far His little life will have ripple effects. It gives me chills to dream of all that God is doing through his tiny life to make His Name great!
I had a healthy pregnancy! The last few weeks were great!
Jacob grew and developed so much & although at one point they were concerned about his size, he ended up being very average & even had what I like to call tootsie roll arms & chunky little legs. I could stare at his squishy rolls forever.
Labor began naturally!! I needed a little help getting over the edge into active labor, but my labor began about a week before Jacob was born & I had contractions for hours on end for many days. Once they gave me the little medicine I needed, I was able to pick the rest up on my own! I was never officially induced! Praise God!
I also labored naturally. This wasn't necessarily a prayer, but I was asking for prayer that I would not need a C-section... and I didn't. And Jacob came so quickly that I didn't even have time to consider getting an epidural. Yes, you read right. I know it might be shocking to some of you who know me, but it's true. And it was beautiful. [Side note: There is nothing wrong with an epidural or with needing a C-section! Every birth is beautiful & when the end goal is accomplished - the baby is born - that's a beautiful thing... For a few health reasons & other things related to Jacob's life specifically, I was hoping to avoid a C-section, and I'm so thankful to God that he let me deliver naturally. So don't read this the wrong way, please!]
God brought me through so many fears in delivering Jacob & He did not hesitate to have him wait until the exact minute He wanted him born!
We had such, such sweet time with Jacob & our families on his BIRTHDAY!!
We got to hear Jacob CRY! More of his birthday tomorrow, but it was a beautiful moment.
We got to enjoy everything we hoped to enjoy with him that day. I have no regrets on how we spent our time - thank you Jesus!
The day after. Whew. I was able to sleep through the night. I was able to wake up. I was able to leave the hospital. I was able to walk through the front door. These are serious answered prayers. Thank you, Jesus.
The weeks after - still TBD really, but so far, we've made it through four of them. God will continue to sustain us. It's been hard & dark, but He's carrying us through.
As it got closer to his birthday we still had moments of joy & #celebratingjacob was a huge part of it. Such a grace for our lives!
The final appointments we had - even the unexpected ones - were great!
We were able to share with many nurses & several doctors about Jacob's life and God used those conversations!
God gave us exactly what we needed as we wrapped up all the details & planning that needed to happen before he was born.
We felt the Holy Spirit guiding us through many decisions and as we wrapped up our time on campus in January & as we planned ahead for the semester while we were taking significant time off.
John-Mark's family came in town on the 8th, even though they were initially planning to not come until the 9th. Which was a good thing! So they were able to be there for all of it! Family was in town!
My family was able to make it - even at 1:30 am when they got the "come now" phone call - and so many got to meet & spend sweet time with Jacob!
No one was sick! No weather issues! We even got to introduce him to a few friends!
Also, have to note - our friends Cara & Lindsay who were also our doula & photographer also made it JUST in time for Jacob to be born (like I said, it moved pretty quick, people...)
Our love for each other has grown (I know I've said this - but it's just true. I have to praise God for it.)
God was my rock & my refuge during a really challenging part of labor & delivery. [A prayer I prayed during that moment.] He gave us peace & calmness. I was able to focus on bringing Jacob into the world. Praise God.
God gave me & John-Mark strength as Jacob came into the world and as we said goodbye. Not our wills but His be done...
God has used our families to comfort us & used others to comfort them. We got to watch them become grandparents & aunts & uncles & big cousins & it was beautiful.
Jacob himself was a huge answered prayer. Of course, there's so much more to what I can say. But God protected him, God brought him into our world, we got to know him, and he experienced immense love on Earth before the greatest Love in Heaven. Beautiful, sweet, sweet boy. We love him. He had the best personality.
God has been glorified, and He will continue to be glorified in Jacob's life. God is praised, evident, and has been made known. He's carried us this far & He'll continue to. Through Jacob's life, countless others have been able to hear of Him & to watch as those who love Jacob have turned to God for help & for praise. One day, “at the name of Jesus, every knee shall bow, in heaven, and on earth, and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” [Philippians 2] It's an incredible, humbling, beautiful joy & honor to know that the boy whose life I carried is helping to bring that to fruition.
I know there are more. There are others. Even still some prayers are being answered. Tonight as I sit in my sorrow & joy, wishing so desperately for my sleeping baby to be next to me, I remember. I smile. And one day, when my children and my children's children ask about Jacob's life, I can't wait to share with them all that God did, for He is mighty and worthy to be gazed upon in awe and reverence.