An Honest Christmas: There Will Always Be One Missing
Just last weekend, we went on a short family walk down the street and John-Mark and I had a moment of conversation about our family. This is no announcement by any means, but the conversation we had started with me admitting that when I think of our family growing one day, I always imagine having another child as being "as it should be" in my heart. Add another, "And we'll finally have our two at home," I think. I currently have two children in my heart, and so therefore, I should have two at home - and all would be right in the world if we just add another one in there. But honestly, if we add another child, instead of feeling like we "finally" had two kids at home like we should, that child would be our third child - and then I'd have three children in my heart, and only two at home. Do you see what I'm saying? It's a never-ending cycle.There will always be one missing.Missing from the family photos, missing from the introductions of our family to strangers, missing from the car on road trips, missing from the shared bedrooms. Missing from the paperwork where I have to give our family roster. Missing from the kindergarten classes and the homecoming dances.There will always be one missing.Even as I think about this today, there is a sinking in my heart. I don't want there to always be one missing. I mean, I daily feel that we're missing one here (on earth - and really two). But I also feel my heart full of two little people who I love. The truths of my heart don't match those of my outward appearance.Deep down I know that having another child won't fill the void in our home or the empty chair at the dinner table. But, I guess, part of me always hopes that it would. I might want more children, yes. But what I really want is Jacob to be here, too. And he's just not. And he won't be. Not physically-speaking, I guess.My point is this - I think sometimes we look to pregnancy and life after loss (or any future circumstance that we hope one day will change) and we see it as a solution to our problems. If I get _____, then I'll truly be satisfied/content/happy/fill-in-the-blank. Once we arrive at some unknown location that we dream of being in, we'll finally get on with living our best lives now.But the truth is - that's simply not true. If we are looking to a future life, a "rainbow after the storm" so to speak, as the solution to filing the void or healing the pain that we are currently experiencing, we are going to come up sorely disappointed. Nothing - not even the best things in life - can actually truly satisfy us. That is, nothing apart from God.I used to wrestle a lot with my circumstances, feeling bitter about a great deal of things (for example: money, easy-looking jobs that I didn't have, my singleness, etc.) and what I kept learning repeatedly was that if I'm not content in my current set of circumstances, I'm not going to be content in another set of circumstances (originally quoted here).The reason we can't be cured by new circumstances is that there will always be something more to want after that. There will always be one missing.The good news, though? There is true satisfaction to be found - it just can't be found in the physical world or in our circumstances or even in the courage we're trying to muster up. No, contentment and identity must only be found in One who made us, gave us desires, and was willing to rescue us from the brokenness of this world - the one that brings pain and disappointment and unmet expectations - and restore us, restore our world back to order.The answer to our problems and our needs came in the form of a man - and not just any man, because just a man would not satisfy. But a God-man; one who gave up his throne and came down to earth as a baby, humbling himself before all and living the perfect life that we were called to live. He made promises and he keeps them; he offers rest and he freely gives it out. Jesus - he did it all, and fulfills it all, and he does it in a way that meets all of our desires. But even more than that - he meets our deepest eternal need. He died on our behalf, to pay the wages for our sin, or what the Bible calls brokenness. He defeated death. And then he rose again and brought us victory over sin and death and he continues to live. His promises ring true. And they will continue to.So while there will always be on missing, there will always be One giving.One giving us what we lack, our needs, our hurts. One meeting us when we continue to feel the void, no matter how many rainbows come after a storm. One showing us soul rest when all we know is that we are disappointed.
It's no secret that it's Christmas-time. And this year, my hope is to create a space for more of an honest Christmas (originally inspired through this devotional). I want to share, and I want to help you process, what it looks like to have an honest Christmas more than just a perfect one.For today: here are a few prompts for you to process through these concepts on your own, with the Lord. This is personal, but what you experience, others might benefit from, if you'd like to share it. Please comment below or send me an email via the contact page on my site. I'd love to hear from you.
Unpacking My Honest Christmas: What's Missing
- In what area of your life do you currently feel like something or someone is missing? What underlying realities - belief systems, lies you're believing, past experiences, etc. - are really going on there? In other words, what do you really want, beneath the surface?
- How does Jesus answer some of those needs or desires? Part of his character? His promises? Write a verse or passage of Scripture now that tells you that. Bonus tip: Write it on an index card & washi tape that to your bathroom mirror. Meditate on that Truth morning and night while brushing your teeth!
- How does the Good News that Jesus does meet all of our deepest longings encourage your soul? What is one thing you need to pay and ask God to help you believe as it relates to this longing?
- Lastly, this Christmas: how can you celebrate honestly rather than fulfilling what you think are the expectations for you - set by others, our culture, or even yourself? Take a moment to surrender those to the Lord, and ask Him to show you what it would look like for you to be honest this Christmas.
If you're willing to share, I'd love to read your thoughts and be encouraged with you in how God is meeting you this Christmas in your honesty. Please comment below or send me a note! I'd love to hear from you. I'm praying for you tonight.
Do you know someone who is hurting this holiday season? Click here to download Five Ways to Care for Your Friend in Grief. The holidays can be especially lonely. Show up for them - it matters.